loganandliz.com: the mishaps of the mr. and mrs.

There were rumblings last night when I got home from work about the idea of heading to Ikea today. Rumblings that–much to my chagrin–turned into reality. Liz had commented that there were some areas that needed some finishing touches so that we could be settled into the apartment. But like, all the way settled in. So this morning, we tended to our necessary appointments and errands, and settled into the Civic to embark on a Swedish, self-assemble furniture adventure.

The cheap side of me loves that you can get a large amount of items at Ikea for prices comparable to Wal-Marts (sic), but at a product quality level slightly higher than that of goods sold at Target (no offense, Keli). And the products don’t look cheap, either. Most of the items that they sell are trendy and chic, and a little bohemian–summed up in my head as Crate and Barrel meets Urban Outfitters. And another good thing about Ikea is that they have the cheapest bottle beer in the city of Chicago. Miller Lite at their restaurant goes for $2/bottle. I’m considering organizing happy hours there in the future.

The Ikea shopping experience is really where everything starts to go downhill. Brace yourselves, this is best explained with the help of bullet points.

• The parking lot is on par with that at Paramount’s Kings Island for those keeping track at home in Cincinnati. Except there are no characters, so you don’t know that you’ve parked in Scooby Doo Row 14. It’s just a large sea of cars. Finding our Civic is comparable to finding the right guy in the red and white striped sweater in the Where’s Waldo books.
• There are so many people inside Ikea that you can’t turn yourself (or your cart) without taking out three families of four people, each.
• Many, many, many unattended children. Often times screaming, running around and playing, crying or throwing temper tantrums because their mom used that evil word: No.
• The furniture appears in groupings that make you think “Oh, wow.” The problem is, you’d have to spend a small fortune to get every piece that they’ve used. So, while that coffee table may be a very appealing $49 purchase, check for the fine print that reads, “As shown, $329.”
• The furniture that you see throughout the store is always assembled. Turns out, the furniture that you buy isn’t. Oh, and there are no instructions. Just illustrations with Happy Ikea Guy and arrows. So, you really can’t figure out how to put anything together. And just when you do, you realize you have to use the Ikea Wrench (provided). Ikea Wrench is the worst tool ever. Hands down.
• Said non-assembled furniture is available for pick up in the Self Serve Furniture Area. So, you write down the number of the item, head to the dungeon of Ikea, and search through aisles and aisles of boxed furniture. Then, you have to hoist the items onto this ridiculous flat cart. And head to the check-out lines.
• Long check-out lines (sort of like Kings Island’s roller coasters). No bags. Unless you buy them. For 59 cents each.
• You can’t really take the carts past the exits, so you have to play Parking Lot Roulette to see who can back into the nine existing spots for customer loading.
• Convenient Enterprise rental van service. Only you have to return the vans back at the store. The same one you purchased from. Not just any Enterprise location.

Well, weighing the loves and hates, it seems that I pretty much hate Ikea. To me, it’s worth the higher price that you pay at stores that deliver–and set up–your furniture for you. And that’s coming from someone that loves a good deal. So, for all of those counting down until Ikea in West Chester opens, study this guide before embarking on your own miserable journey.

Posted by logan on Saturday, February 16th, 2008 at 9:00 pm.